Crocodile tears

My words//yr promises [are] porous and neverlasting, my world is full of endthis/endless possibilities.

Is it possible to be inspired by smthng you didn't even know existed? Such similarities to me...

Crow's Fall by: ted hughes

When Crow was white he decided the sun was too white.
He decided it glared much too whitely.
He decided to attack it and defeat it.

He got his strength flush and in full glitter.
He clawed and fluffed his rage up.
He aimed his beak direct at the sun's centre.

He laughed himself to the centre of himself

And attacked.

At his battle cry trees grew suddenly old,
Shadows flattened.

But the sun brightened-
It brightened, and Crow returned charred black.

He opened his mouth but what came out was charred black.

"Up there," he managed,
"Where white is black and black is white, I won."

Sometimes I feel so beautiful with you.

my lashes are batting, pressed against the glass

like pitter-patter raindrops beating against the drainpipe

with soggy smudge, i lose my sight.

Please don't change [yr mind].

A wishbone wherewithal with flowering fidget, oh how you frustrate me so.

It's no surprise:

when double rainbows make/where does the time go? (what with the scissors having met the raisinets)-

Lets sink in the salty trees

so it don't sting like an astringent, cleansing & absolving me of continuities.

There definitely is sureprizes & mysteries written all over yr capentistery.

If those windmills were origami birds they would fly away bargaining for their time; steadily in the wind:

keeping us in in in :::::::::::: time (like when you asked abt the clock but I only saw 3).

There's no consolation prize when you're pitted against yrself.

Mean b/w: Type A & Type B personality:

As far back as I can remember, I've had this inner struggle with what it is I want to do with my life. I've firmly believed in my ability to be creative & I think the people that know me best know I'm at least 'capable' of achieving this. I write, I draw, I sing, I craft/design- & yet my inability to let myself fail at such things (in order to be better), has kept me from succeeding in any one subject.

In some ways, I consider this inner struggle some sort of imbalance within myself. A sort of Right Brain, Left Brain confusion (or Type A/Type B personality). For example: initially I began attending college for 'Fine Arts', but upon discovering that the compounds within the structural nature of art education was not something that interested me I changed my major to 'Art History' transferring to Wayne State Univ. (In this way I believe I went from my left brain to right brain). After taking the introductory course to 'Art History' I soon realized that this too, was not my path. It was a memory game in which my brain was not capable of doing (but my disagreeableness with schools testing system is a whole other subject).

So there I was left with a choice: to finish school or find something else to do. This was when I discovered 'Fashion Design'. At the time, I didn't even know there was a program/degree for that in Michigan. So I began with a course in Fashion Merchandising & upon completion was whisked away to Milwaukee, WI. for what I considered to be my destiny (aka love at first sight). In Milwaukee, I spent my time taking sewing classes with a local designer & in the end, apprenticing. I believed that all this would help me so that when I went back to school I would be ready for my Bachelors in Apparel Design at IADT...

But it was too easy.

I was getting A's in everything & all my teachers loved me- I didn't know if this was b/c I was passionate about the subject or if it was b/c the grading system was screwed up. There was no such thing as a curve, but there were so many lazy students that the ones that did barely any work were treated as if we were the next Elsa Schiaparelli. I figured that if I was going to be spending $20,000 a year on my education I should probably be learning something & not just getting A's b/c I was 'doing' the work. Fast forward to me attending the Art Institute of Portland- there's a lot of work (and it aint easy), but my relationship is failing & I'm letting this affect my assignments. The designer I'm interning with I think senses that I'm no longer in school & tells me he'll let me know if I'm needed after his Spring Collection is finished. I decide to take a break (again) & decide whether I want to continue spending my money on a degree that, in reality, is useless. The real point of fashion is to learn the necessary skills, make contacts, build a portfolio & work yr ass off (none of which I was doing).

So I breathe. I take time to find myself & figure out what it is I really want out of life. I'm working a dead-end job & as The Office say: 'Better to be at the bottom [of a ladder], than at the top of one you don't want to be on'. So I am going back to school; which isn't a conclusion really, but it's satisfying. I've been dying to work hard & be motivated again. I just hope I continue to find things that inspire me & endeavor to finalize a project.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (10) Right Brain Dominance: (11) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Burgeon & Flourish:

(this is what hearts can do.

The airsarnd me is quiet stale stufficating in smoki potpourri
inhalation after a nights worth of inebriation

reversed shirt says the same thing though in opposites conflicting [like a] conflagration

& the cea shells not dng so well-
broke 1/2 with the rest disassembled in parts

try my shoes on, Bustagut?

My heart’s pattering...Though sometimes it’s hard [for me] to remember, it’s often not easy to forget.

ppr.

/I am building a paper house. I expect/suspect it to fall apart. This will be my new home where I will live and have kitties and have my own garden. I will make it transportable so that when I decide to leave I can take it with me where ever I want to go. My paper house is nothing like the house I once wanted with many rms to do many things with. This paper house will have a big open rm with no tiny separate spaces for anyone to hide in. But I'm thinking it will maybe have a fence on the outside someday & also lots of shelves.

Maybe I'll even invite you over to my paper house//

Reminder to Self:

Work/ing on piece entitled: 

This is Where it Hurts 

or: 

(there's a piece missing).

Dirty Fingernails

Irish Rose sauntering into Eve

she becomes unbearable, 

when [her] shrill screech's loudly: 

in Eve: (the only time it has to fester: [a small, purulent, superficial sore]).

She asks lke the weather predicts...unsuredly & un____

Bug-eyed starring slylyently, 

festering on a mawkish or somewhat maudlin mood.

she sits pondering her peakish mind as she's prided herslef un piqu-ing 

Her heart's pur/e(u/lent.          Truely!

{its as if you didnt already knw...}

Gregarious Apocryphal

My gravy's graveled n gritty Woodsworth nothin' piled up.

Pine coned shaped penetrations lke a timecode hidden under mattresses sheet w/,

cepia seeped dropped drips of waning drithel.

   This is a drought big enough to fill those cavernouseyes (still bl).

But-

When I file through those fostered fidget moments of reminisce,

there's rly no other way it could possibly be (unfortunately).

Warbling My Soliloquy

it has always been me making a sort of -

baffling blathered n barged..

bequeathing u.

The hummingbird enthralling u with its trill/ ions of x together  4evr appendages akin even when we 

were.rent

Lets throw away this tantrum & tandem our way Through

But instead- (i?) threw u?.

You a mirror, he a stone. (aka 'man and his silence')

Time (then) titillated.... [a lot & loudly]

lost for(lor/e\n).       just trying to be funny!

The crystals of appetite have satisfied the satiation of my enamored-ation.

(The pt. being that waiting is wanting & I'm left losing

...even when the yellows are golden and the day is holding.

calmly. still.

though her eyes were the ones as black as coals,

his were the ones that felt vacuous and cold.

not to prod and poke, 

it's just that you are standing upright lying down.

Cantus, can't us dominate the diminuendo [to make a crescendo]?

Oh, harrowed harried Halloween,

Where did thou go in need of such time?                   Alone.

I've embroidered patterns palletted across my face,

to tell truth in hinds eye.

Though, in hindsight perhaps it is not   (.)

That diminutive dyad dart was wound all arnd

wrapping my hollowed heart so it couldn't be seen protruding,

no,  you did not know it was there-

So when its projecting prickle lied bare across yr cheek,

scraping ever so gently-

and I felt that 'stick in my craw'...

It was as if the witches cackle had turned calloused and cold.

The Gathering by Anne Enright. Excerpt:

"But it is not just the sex, or remembered sex that makes me think I love Michael Weiss from Brooklyn, now, seventeen years too late.  It is the way he refused to own me, no matter how much I tried to be owned.  It was the way he would not take me, he would only meet me, and that only even halfway.

I think I am ready for that now.  I think I am ready to be met."

Whimsical weakness.

I shall call it a,                                              {whine

As it seeps through 

taking short-stagnated over-held taken too long

breathes

that become stale when I;m

trying to meander my thoughts

down

to a meditation.

Looking to lose [her mind]

lethargic & loquacious

liquid     ,      lullify(ed)

We've hah haved brazenly & posture-laricly posed 

ina plastic placard w/poised poison. 

A bunch of myriad-murdered 

misanthropes/weare(y).

"The inner attempt at synthesis always begins w/conflict."

this

wallowed weight no longer worries me.

Lifted w/ lanky arms

frm fracture face within an:

enviable enveloped empathetic embrace.

abstained (or strained) w/furrowed multifaceted brow

Just suppose,

I started slyly slaying yr serpent tongue so that when you spoke to me

in yr language

I'd already be disengaged.

But now we need not worry abt such trivial things, 

thorough,

why you've done me no disservice (for now)

And I'm done with my allocating.

gng on 2 hrs. sleep

banal brain,

what have you to think abt?

 to have left me lying roused for such a long time.

Sincerely,

  

    Lethargic Lo

Cracked tooth of wisdom/s\:

Yr series is my strange static;

My past is freckled with sovereigns rulers;

Seems silly to have been trading [a] heavy heart, for a handshake hug;

While you rotate yr rhymes, I'll waste my time on: adaptational bemusements;

Mentality is something of a 'fuck it' ! nature... but not in a promiscuous sort of way;

What was once a splendor of elongated sanity had had to  become-a never enough/too much time.