Mean b/w: Type A & Type B personality:

As far back as I can remember, I've had this inner struggle with what it is I want to do with my life. I've firmly believed in my ability to be creative & I think the people that know me best know I'm at least 'capable' of achieving this. I write, I draw, I sing, I craft/design- & yet my inability to let myself fail at such things (in order to be better), has kept me from succeeding in any one subject.

In some ways, I consider this inner struggle some sort of imbalance within myself. A sort of Right Brain, Left Brain confusion (or Type A/Type B personality). For example: initially I began attending college for 'Fine Arts', but upon discovering that the compounds within the structural nature of art education was not something that interested me I changed my major to 'Art History' transferring to Wayne State Univ. (In this way I believe I went from my left brain to right brain). After taking the introductory course to 'Art History' I soon realized that this too, was not my path. It was a memory game in which my brain was not capable of doing (but my disagreeableness with schools testing system is a whole other subject).

So there I was left with a choice: to finish school or find something else to do. This was when I discovered 'Fashion Design'. At the time, I didn't even know there was a program/degree for that in Michigan. So I began with a course in Fashion Merchandising & upon completion was whisked away to Milwaukee, WI. for what I considered to be my destiny (aka love at first sight). In Milwaukee, I spent my time taking sewing classes with a local designer & in the end, apprenticing. I believed that all this would help me so that when I went back to school I would be ready for my Bachelors in Apparel Design at IADT...

But it was too easy.

I was getting A's in everything & all my teachers loved me- I didn't know if this was b/c I was passionate about the subject or if it was b/c the grading system was screwed up. There was no such thing as a curve, but there were so many lazy students that the ones that did barely any work were treated as if we were the next Elsa Schiaparelli. I figured that if I was going to be spending $20,000 a year on my education I should probably be learning something & not just getting A's b/c I was 'doing' the work. Fast forward to me attending the Art Institute of Portland- there's a lot of work (and it aint easy), but my relationship is failing & I'm letting this affect my assignments. The designer I'm interning with I think senses that I'm no longer in school & tells me he'll let me know if I'm needed after his Spring Collection is finished. I decide to take a break (again) & decide whether I want to continue spending my money on a degree that, in reality, is useless. The real point of fashion is to learn the necessary skills, make contacts, build a portfolio & work yr ass off (none of which I was doing).

So I breathe. I take time to find myself & figure out what it is I really want out of life. I'm working a dead-end job & as The Office say: 'Better to be at the bottom [of a ladder], than at the top of one you don't want to be on'. So I am going back to school; which isn't a conclusion really, but it's satisfying. I've been dying to work hard & be motivated again. I just hope I continue to find things that inspire me & endeavor to finalize a project.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (10) Right Brain Dominance: (11) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz